Beginning Music Teachers: Your First Five Years Don’t Have to Be This Lonely

A couple of weeks ago, I connected with a music teacher in her second year of teaching who was looking—actually, she was desperate—for any help she could get. What was supposed to be a quick, 30-minute coffee break and listening session (on my end) turned into something much more meaningful for both of us.

By the end of our conversation, three things were painfully clear to me:

1. She was lonely. Being the only music teacher in a building can do that to you.

2. She felt deeply misunderstood. A recent observation and the feedback that followed left her questioning herself rather than feeling supported by her administrator.

3. She was overwhelmed by the job and everything it entails. Not just teaching. Everything. The performances, the parent and admin expectations, students’ behaviors, the emotional labor, and the constant feeling of being “on.”

4. She wasn’t getting the support she actually needed. Yes, she said this. Five times. To her, support meant having professional development that mattered to her and had something to do with music. It also meant having a mentor, a group of other new(ish) music teachers, anyone, who she could really use as a supportive team on her side.

I wish I could say this conversation was the exception.

But after 15 years of mentoring, teaching, and collaborating with early-career music teachers, I’m seeing this pattern more and more. Teaching is hard. Absolutely. But what’s pushing so many music teachers to the edge isn’t just the workload. It’s trying to navigate the hard parts alone, without community, without thought partners, and without spaces where they can be honest without fear of judgment (anyone can see the rise of anonymous posts on Facebook asking for help).

And no amount of content (shared lesson plans, Teachers Pay Teachers resources, video tutorials), or professional development one-off PD workshops can replace that.

Trust me.

A big part of what I do is create content. But all that content is a resource that be a quick fix for something you need. And it’s helpful for some folks, which is why I keep doing it. But it’s not the magic wand that will end music teacher isolation.

So, to all of you who are feeling alone and wondering how that can even be possible when we have so many other teachers, like you, also mentioning feeling alone, I offer up one piece of advice that I hope will empower you: You can decide to help yourself feel less lonely. You can change that part of your situation. Don’t wait for anyone else to present you with an opportunity to be connected.

Contrary to my usual “quick fix” or “tips and tricks” posts, I recommend something that is not quick. It takes commitment and follow-through.

Take action so you can take care of yourself in the between spaces:

• The weeks between concerts.

• The days after tough feedback from an admin.

• The moments when you’re questioning whether you’re cut out for this at all.

Here are five (not quick) ways you can empower yourself and fill your own bucket during those in between spaces in your first five years of teaching:

1. Ask for thought partners, not just answers.
   It’s okay to ask for strategies. It’s powerful to ask, “Can you help me think this through?” Growth happens when someone walks alongside you. Find a buddy and make sure you have time scheduled every month to connect and walk through this journey together.

2. Create one space where you don’t have to perform competence.
   Find people who allow you to say, “This is hard,” without judgment or fixing. One of the best ways is to find a community of folks, like you, who just want gather, get advice, give advice, share stories. All while not having to worry about what others are thinking, or whether what they are venting about will get back to their admin or colleagues in some way. Create your own space for this or join one that can fill that need for you.

3. Build a community off the feed.
   Social media can inspire, but it can also be a huge stressor (especially for folks like me who are living with anxiety every day). Get off the device and find one trusted colleague, teacher coach, or small group that will sustain you offline.

4. Pay attention to daily sustainability.
   Ask yourself what helps you get through this week. Small supports matter. Looking at everything that needs to happen from now until the end of the school year, while necessary at times, can also be overwhelming if you do it all the time. It also snowballs and usually leads to catastrophic thinking. Not a good combo if you’re hoping to make music teaching your path moving forward.

5. Tap into local resources.
   Many music education associations and organizations in different states either (1) have mentoring programs in place, or (2) are working their hardest to get something going. They know you need it. Reach out and see what’s available.
   

   Special shoutout to my friends and colleagues in MA: We have one. I run it. If you are alone, come find me. You don’t need to be. 😀

Your first five years aren’t just about learning more and being a better teacher. They’re also about learning how to stay. The great news is that you have the power to surround yourself with folks that have your back. So take the leap. You’ll be glad you did.